A Father's Love

This is what I said at Valerie's funeral. I believe it more now then when I said it. It only took me fifteen minutes to write this. In it I see more of what I am now than what I was prior to my daughter's death.

Our family wishes to express our heartfelt thanks for the overwhelming support we have received from our family, friends, and our church. It means more than you can possibly imagine. What I am about to say is the most difficult thing than I ever have had to say in my life. When I have been to other funerals, families and friends talk about their experiences with the person who has died. I have had no such experience. All I have is the experience of loss.

But this experience has caused me to ask myself several questions. Our daughter Hope after she found out that Valerie died told us that she would die for her. Would I do the same? Yes, I would. Would I be able to accept my loss with what some have called Christian resignation? I don’t know how right now, but I believe with the help of the Holy Spirit and my Christian friends I could some day. But now the final question. Would I voluntarily give up my dear little Valerie for someone I do not know? No, I could not do that. I simply do not have enough love. I want to cling on to her, even right now, but I can’t. The only reason I can do what I am doing now is because I have no choice.

Having lost my child has given me new insight into the incredible love of God our Father. How many of us glibly quote John 3:16? I will do so but more slowly. For God so loved the world that he GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, that whosoever believes in him shall have eternal life. God love’s is not my love. Again, GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON. I would not give up my second daughter, let alone my only son. But that is what God does. The Apostle John not only says that God loves but that He is love. God was willing to experience the loss of his only begotten Son to save us from this sin-sick world -- the kind of world where Valerie dies in the womb and our family is left with empty hands and empty hearts. God loved us so much that he sent his Son to die so that Valerie might be saved immediately from this world of sin and misery. Later, we will be re-united with her, where Scripture tells that all our tears will be wiped away. Not only is God’s love more pure than ours it is also more powerful. My desire is not that I want to be made stronger or that I might be comforted. I want my daughter back! You know that. And if your love for my family and me could make it so, I WOULD have my daughter back. But this is not Oz. We do not click our ruby slippers three times and find ourselves back in Kansas. God’s love on the other hand accomplishes what it sets out to do. The love that He bestows on us WILL lead us Home.

I do not claim to have all the answers. In fact, I know very little. I do not know why this happened. I do not know how my family or myself will get through this. But, I do know the character of my loving, heavenly, Father. He experienced far more loss than I am feeling right now when he sent his Son to die for me. And it is to that loving, fatherly, care that I entrust the soul of my dear little Valerie.