The Blinne Blog

NASA Gets New Signals From Mars Rover

Some good news on the rover front. NASA Gets New Signals From Mars Rover

PASADENA, Calif. Jan. 23 — NASA engineers received a half-hour of total transmissions Friday morning from the Spirit rover and planned further communications with it in an effort to diagnose and possibly patch up their ailing robotic patient on Mars.

Officials did not immediately elaborate on the signals.

The Blinne Blog has secret information on those signals. Here they are:

We're going to California, and Michigan, and New Jersey. We're going to Washington DC to take back the space program. Yarrrgh.

Mars Rover: Good News, Bad News

The Mars rover, Spirit, is experiencing problems.

PASADENA, Calif. (AP) - NASA's Spirit rover stopped transmitting data from Mars for more than 24 hours, mission managers said Thursday, calling it an "extremely serious anomaly."

NASA last heard from Spirit early Wednesday, its 18th day on Mars. Since then, it has only sporadically returned random, meaningless radio noise, scientists said. Initially, the scientists believed weather problems on Earth caused the glitch. They said they now believe the rover is experiencing hardware or software problems.

"This is a serious problem. This is an extremely serious anomaly," project manager Pete Theisinger said.

That's only half of it. The problem is what the project manager saw transmitted from the rover.

What's My Pirate Name?

Today is talk like a pirate day. Arr, me pirate name be:

Mad Jack Flint

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Dave Barry on Hurricane Preparedness

Dave is in his normal fine form with this piece of advice on Hurricane preparedness:

As Hurricane Isabel approaches the East Coast, I thought it might be helpful if I reprinted a Hurricane Preparedness Guide I wrote some years ago for the Miami Herald. It has some specific references to South Florida, but it should be just as useless to residents of other areas.

For information that is actually useful, an excellent place to look is the Herald's storm site.

HURRICANE PREPAREDNESS GUIDE Dave Barry

We're entering the heart of hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weatherperson pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic and making two basic meteorological points:

1. There is no need to panic.

2. We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in South Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." The best way to get information on this topic is to ask people who were here during Hurricane Andrew (we're easy to recognize, because we still smell faintly of b.o. mixed with gasoline). Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in South Florida. If you're one of those people, you'll want to clip out the following useful hurricane information and tuck it away in a safe place so that later on, when a storm is brewing, you will not be able to locate it.

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE -- If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements: (1) It is reasonably well built, and (2) It is located in Nebraska. Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, both Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS -- Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

-- Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

-- Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

-- Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

-- "Hurricane-proof" windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

"HURRICANE PROOFING" YOUR PROPERTY: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects such as barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.; you should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles. (If you happen to have deadly missiles in your yard, don't worry, because the hurricane winds will turn THEM into harmless objects).

EVACUATION ROUTE -- If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two million other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! South Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of Spam. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

-- 23 Flashlights.

-- At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

-- Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some, dammit!)

-- A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

-- A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

-- A large quantity of bananas, to placate the monkeys. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate monkeys.)

-- $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over again how vitally important it for everybody to stay the hell away from the ocean.

At that point, if you've prepared all you can, there's frankly nothing left to for you to do but pray. I mean for a really BIG wave.

French Joke

A joke posted by Merde in France that's making the rounds in France.

Jacques Chirac visits President George Bush. - Tell me George how do you put together such a efficient team while I'm assisted by a bunch of morons.

- Simple Jack, I constantly test my cabinet Secretaries. If they respond correctly, they stay on. Otherwise I fire them. It's a 'best of breed' process, I'm sure of keeping only the smartest ones.

Bush then calls Powell.

- Colin, I'm going to ask you a question. You know the rules. If you're wrong, you're fired. OK? Here we go:

- It is your mother's child, but it's neither your brother or your sister. Who is it?

Colin Powell thinks for a few seconds and then answers:

- That's easy. It's me!

- Perfect, Bush says, you stay on.

Chirac is very impressed. As soon as he gets back to Paris he calls on Raffarin (Prime Minister).

- Raffarin, I'm going to ask you a question. If you answer correctly, you stay on as Prime Minister. If not, you're fired. Here it is: it is your mother's child, but it's neither your brother or your sister. Who is it?

Raffarin, aware of his own shortcomings, requests a brief delay to think it over. Chirac gives him 24 hours. Raffarin rushes back to his palace, calls his cabinet ministers, and soon a group of senior civil service mandarins are studying the question. All of the possible outcomes are covered. After several hours of study, a guy more clever than the rest says:

- We must ask JuppeHe's always right and he knows what the President has on his mind. Great idea! Raffarin immediately places a call to Juppe

- Hello Alain? It's Raffarin. Chirac wants an answer to this question and since you know him so well you can find the answer.

The question is: It is your mother's child, but it's neither your brother or your sister. Who is it?

Right away, Juppe snickers slightly and with his well known superior attitude responds:

- That's easy, it's me.

The next day Raffarin rushes to the Presidential Palace.

- President Sir, President Sir, I know who it is!

- OK, OK, Raffarin. So, your mother's child who is neither your brother or your sister, who is it?

- It's Juppe President Sir.

Chirac's eyes bulge wide open.

- Pack your bags Raffarin. The correct answer is Colin Powell!!!!!

Liberate California

Via Diana Mertz Hsieh: NoodleFood with a humerous suggestion of where to go next after Iraq. Noting that on the Internet there are serious web sites that advocate soldiers frag their officers, please note that this is a joke.

Liberate California! Paul just suggested that our armed forces liberate California after we're done with Iraq. The territory is about the same size, with a great deal of desert. And Californians are living under a repressive government. Furthermore, the repressed minority of conservatives in the areas north of San Francisco would likely be willing to take up arms to overthrow the Davis regime. I just hope that the Liberals don't set the oil fields on fire...

Peace In Middle Earth

This just in from the Gondor News Network

Peace in Middle Earth in our time

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

.We need more time for diplomacy,. said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. .I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West..

Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman.s remarks. .Sauron says he.s destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that.s good enough for me,. said one fellow carrying a sign that said .Elrond is a Balrog.. Another demonstrator urged, .Give the RMD inspectors more time. There.s no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated.. A third protester piped up, .I haven.t heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it.s understandable they.re angry with Gondor. We haven.t done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It.s understandable they throw their support to them. It.s our own fault really..

As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, .No blood for Mount Doom,. voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.

Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is codenamed: Moria.

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